Dead At 17 Final

      Most people remember their senior year in high school as one of the best years of their life. For me, that was not the case, it was one of the worst years of my life.  September 13, 1985 is a day that I will never forget. It was a typical Sunday night with my family.    I was at home eating dinner, waiting for my boyfriend to call, when the phone rang.  My little brother and I ran to answer it, but he beat me to the phone.  I heard him saying “yes”, “yes”, “yes”.  He looked at me really strange and said it was for me.  I went to the phone and said “Hello”.  The voice on the other end said, “ Is this Denise?”   I said yes, then she said  “Is this Denise Stowell?”   “Yes”, I repeated.  She then asked if I was the Denise Stowell  who attended the SCVC.  I again said “yes” and asked “ who this is”.   She then asked if I was the Denise who was dating Mike Donahue?  By that time, I was very irritated, and I said “yes, but if you do not tell me who this is, I am hanging up”.  The person on the other end, then explained that her name was Jennifer and she had some bad news for me.  She explained that she was the Jenny that also attended the SCVC and there was a  terrible accident last night. I then remembered that Jenny was one of Mike’s neighbors.  She asked me if Mike had come over to Reedsburg ?  I said yes, we had gone to a friend’s party and then he left to drive home.  Jenny explained that on the way home, Mike had crossed the center line, 7 miles from his house, and had hit another car head on.  He was killed instantly and the family of 3 in the other car were all dead too.  I remember screaming into the phone  “You Liar!  You are lying!” as I sank to the floor sobbing.     My mother took the phone from me and was asking Jenny questions before she hung up the phone, and started making other calls.  While she was making phone calls to check on the information, my little brother was on the floor with me, trying to stop me from crying, but it wasn’t working very well.   After what seemed like hours my mother sat on the floor with me.  She put her arm around my shoulder and said “Honey, I just got off the phone with the sheriff’s department and Jenny was not lying,  Mike died last night.  His truck crossed the center line and he hit a car, everyone involved was killed.”  Hearing those words, I thought my heart was going to stop, it took my breath away, at that time, I wanted to die.  I don’t remember much of what happened that night except what other people have told me.  But I am getting ahead of myself, I think that I should start from the beginning.

     The high school that I went to was very small, and the neighboring towns were also very small. Just prior to my junior year, the 3 small neighboring schools, Baraboo, Portage, and Sauk Prairie combined with Reedsburg, my school, to form what they called the South Central Vocational Center.  The center was in Baraboo, and they offered marketing, which I was very interested in.  So we were bussed to Baraboo 2 days a week, for a 4 hour class.  It was in that class that I met Mike. We started to talk to each other on the very first day, even though our friends advised us against it.  We started to date exclusively about a month after the class started.  And I thought he was” the one”.  We were together as much as possible.  I stayed at his house quite often, in his sister’s room.  He was also at my house, so much that my mother was threatening to charge him rent.  We did have a few problems though, a lot of his friends did not like me and they were constantly trying to break us up. You see Reedsburg and Portage were rivals and had been for many years. As a general rule we didn’t mix.  So, the fact that Mike and I were dating, was very upsetting to a lot of people.   They thought he should still be with his old girl friend, or someone from Portage, not someone from Reedsburg. 

     The beginning of our senior year was very exciting, we were both very excited about being seniors.  We talked about where we were going to go to college and how we would live very close.  The second week of school there was a big party planned at a lake close to Reedsburg.  All of my friends were going.  I was excited that Mike and I were going. You see, my friends loved Mike.  They were not as into the rivalry the way that Mike’s friends were.  Friday night arrived and Mike came over for dinner with my family.  We had a great time, picking on my younger brother and just talking with my parents.   After the lecture from my parents, which I had heard many times before:” No drinking… no smoking… blah, blah, blah”.  We headed out to the lake.  I wish I would have listened to my parents that night, but like most teenagers, I didn’t.   We had a great time that night, hanging out, swimming and drinking with friends.  Mike drove me home, but neither one of us were really in any condition to drive.   As he was dropping me off, I tried to convince him to stay at my house, he was sure that his truck would find the way home.  I continued to beg and plead for him to stay, but he was very stubborn and would not listen to me.  I got out of the truck, slammed the door and ran into the house.  Mike yelled out the window “I love you and will call you tomorrow night!”  I was very upset that he would not stay.   I went into the house and up to my room and cried myself to sleep.  How could I have known that those would be the last words I would hear from him?

     Driving to Mike’s wake in Portage with my mom and my best friend was one of the longest drives of my life.  I was remembering the fight we had about him driving home, if only he had listened to me.  I kept thinking  ”how could  this have happened”?  We were supposed to leave for college in a few months.  I know now that the ride was longer than usual because mom did not want to take me on the road that Mike had died on.

       As we turned on the street where the funeral home was located, I was amazed.  The line to get into the wake was almost a mile long.  I had never seen that many people in one place before.   We were waiting in the line, because we were not quite sure where to go.  I should have known that I was more than just one of mourners; that became very evident, when Mike’s best friend, Mark, came and took my hand and led me to the front of the line.  As I walked into the sanctuary, and I saw Mike’s family, I knew I was in the right place.  His mom saw me and pulled me into her arms.  We cried and cried.  She held my hand and led me up to the casket.  Seeing Mike in the casket, dead, I lost all control.  I didn’t understand how something like that could happen. He was only 17, he had so many plans, we, had so many plans.  How could God let that happen?  We only had a few drinks.  How could this happen? As we were walking out of the funeral home, Mike’s ex girlfriend came up to me and started screaming at me “Mike is dead because of you!  How dare you even show your face here?”  I was so hurt. I now realize that she was hurting just as much as I was. My mom and my best friend stepped between us and guided me toward the car.  As we drove back to Reedsburg, I was sobbing, I didn’t understand how this could have happened. 

     The next morning, we got up early and drove to Portage again.  The whole way, I was thinking,  the funeral is today.  After today, Mike will be gone forever.  But wait, Mike has been gone for days now.  He will forever be in my heart.  The funeral procession was over 5 miles long.   I think every person within 50 miles was at that funeral.  It was one of the worst days of my life.

     The other car involved had held a mom, a dad and an 8 month old baby girl.  The mom and dad were killed instantly and the baby died the next day.  That night we drank and Mike drove, four very special people died.  None of them should have.  If only we hadn’t been drinking.  If only Mike hadn’t driven, they would all be alive.

     After many months of sulking and hiding in my room.  My best friend, Joyce came over and finally pulled me out of it.  I will always remember what she said that day.  She told me that there had to be a reason that Mike died, and I had to figure out what that reason was.  She also told me that I had the power to help save other kids our age.  I wasn’t sure what she meant, but told her that I would think about it.  I did some serious soul searching.  I talked to my parents and Mike’s parents.  After a few months and a lot of research, I decided to start a Chapter of SADD in our high school.  I wanted young adults to know what happens when you drink and drive.  Mikes mom was a big help and supported me 100% .  The principal of my high school was a big help in this process and was a great advocate for the program.  Without  all of the support, I may have not had the courage see the program through.  My principle was so touched about my story, that he  also asked me if I would consider some speaking at area high schools. After talking it over with my parents and Mike’s parents, I decided that I would like to speak to other kids my age.  Mike’s mom said that she wanted to go to the high schools and speak too. She wanted to try to save as many students as I did.  We visited many schools and told our story. It was not an easy task.  It brought out all the emotions that I had tried to hide.  But, I also knew that doing this would help other people not have to go through the hurt and pain that I did.  We spoke at over 20 high schools, and it was very rewarding.  I like to think that Mike was with us through every speaking engagement.  Maybe that was why he died, so no other kids would have to be dead at 17.